Boundary myth-busting
I suck at pub quizzes and my specialist subject Boundaries might not reach Mastermind standards, yet it's 'the gift that keeps on giving'! My favourite topic continues to guide me and correct any unhelpful messaging that my fear brain may present, and we need to talk more about it in the world of workplace mental health and training.
So here are 6 myths for me to keep busting and sharing, professionally and personally!
Six Myths
Myth 1: Boundaries are harsh and rigid
Myth 2: Boundaries are the best thing since sliced bread
Boundaries are neither inherently good or bad! They can be too flexible or too rigid, it will depend on the unique circumstances and relationships involved. This also applies to self-boundaries such as how honest we are with ourselves, how we manage and interpret our self-talk and where we invest our focus and energy.
Myth 3: Boundaries come across as selfish and give the impression you don't care
Yes, of course others impacted may not be keen on your boundary-setting and may experience it in a very negative way. Unhelpful or Toxic interpretations are out of our control and patience and compassion reaps rewards. Ultimately, thoughtful boundary-setting will generate respect from those with a learning outlook, including others around us not directly involved.
If you take a moment, I bet you can think of someone you respect because of the boundaries they set and maintain.
Myth 4: Boundaries push people away and create distance
Asserting healthy boundaries is an essential aspect of self-respect, communication and building trust within relationships. By expressing your needs clearly, you facilitate mutual understanding and openness, as well as cultivate deeper connections. Importantly you mitigate the risk of resentment.
Myth 5: Boundaries don't work when you're surrounded by idiots that don't respect them. My life can only get better if they radically change their behaviour
Whilst it's inherently human to hope for other people to change, focusing our energy on something out of our control leaves us disempowered. Boundaries aren't about trying to control others, that doesn't end well! They're about asserting what we will and won't tolerate.
Accepting that the success of a boundary lies in our own behaviour, not someone else's is tough to accept and a game-changer for sure!
Myth 6 - The mental health crisis playing out in our communities, home and work lives means we can't afford to hold back and must give more
I obviously celebrate the growth in mental health awareness, and it's also crucial we avoid the misconception that caring means giving endlessly. Overloading already compassionate individuals with the expectation to Give more, can lead to burnout and inappropriate advice-giving. It can also mean other responsibilities are neglected, including the ultimate responsibility to ourselves and our needs.
Are you one of life's Givers or Over-givers?
Let's end with a helpful quote from Carolyn Spring who promotes superb trauma-informed education to professionals and individuals. She has learned some tough boundary lessons through her own post-trauma growth and tackles deeply uncomfortable topics in an incredibly helpful way, thank you Carolyn!
Boundaries can make us feel safe and give us the confidence to explore right up to their limits. But when we feel ‘limitless’, we constantly assess if what we’re doing is okay, and it actually reduces our exploratory behaviour. Knowing our boundaries can enable us to make the most of life - Carolyn Spring.
Are any of these or other myths holding you back?
Which side of the fence do you tend to be on (more rigid or leaky), if you'll pardon the boundary?!
And does it differ according to particular people and areas of your life?
